We’ve talked before about making sure that you provide an open opportunity for your children to talk with you about sexuality. An important part of that conversation is talking with your children about the changes that puberty will bring to their bodies. According to the National Institute of Health, puberty usually starts between the ages of 10-14 for girls and 12-16 for boys. But, the National Research Center for Women & Families says that studies dating back to 10 years ago suggest that almost half of African-American girls and about 15% of White girls are showing signs of puberty as early as the age of 8. You may not have expected it, but if your 7 or 8-year-old daughter is beginning to show some early signs of puberty, that may not necessarily be unusual. Signs of puberty include:
For Girls
For Boys
Changes in your body can be uncomfortable and upsetting if you’re not expecting them, so it’s important for parents to start talking with their children early about the changes that will occur. Since some girls are beginning to show signs of puberty as early as the age of 7, this means parents need to start talking with children about how their body will be changing at that age. Even if your child’s body isn’t changing, some of her/his classmates may be, and understanding what’s happening will help them be more supportive of the changes their friend may be going through.
A great book for girls that I’ve personally used with all three of my daughters is The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls, which is an American Girl book. This book is very girl friendly and has great illustrations. I’ve used it to talk with my daughters starting at the age of 7, and they were able to understand it and enjoy it. What I love about this book is that it doesn’t just address “sex,” it talks about body changes and how to take care of your body. Topics range from hair to skin, how to choose a bra and breast development, how to choose healthy foods and respond to the over focus on food and weight that some girls in puberty start dealing with, menstruation and more. Because the book is divided up into different topics, you can also choose the things that are most appropriate for your child’s age and focus on those. For boys, I’ve been told that What’s Happening to My Body and It’s Perfectly Normal are good books, however, I haven’t used either. I’d love to here recommendations for books for boys from those who’ve found one they really like.
If anyone has other books for girls or boys that are good to jumpstart a conversation on puberty, please share them! The great thing about books like this is that you can read parts of them with your child to begin the conversation about body changes and then move into answering their questions. Some parents are uncomfortable talking about this, so having a guide can be really helpful. Here are some more suggestions on how to talk with your child about puberty.
Talking about puberty is an important conversation. You don’t want your child to be one of those who starts experiencing body changes and thinks there’s something wrong with them because nobody told them that this would happen! Body changes are natural and good, and your calm, open communication about them will allow your child to feel confident as their body begins to change.
how do i talk to an 8 yr old boy about pee pee hard ones, i have no idea how to begin but kids at school are talking about gay and kissing and sex helpp me please….
Hi Naomi, The important thing to remember is that sexuality is natural. If an 8 year old is experiencing erections and isn’t sure what’s happening, you can talk about how our bodies work, and let him know that it’s okay and natural.
Wen it comes to talking about physical affection, you can talk about how we all like to share physical affection with those we love to help us feel close to each other. Using a hug as an example is a great way to talk about affection with young kids. As we get older and our relationships become more serious, we still hug each other, but depending on the relationship, our ways of showing our affection may change. Putting sexual behaviors in the context of their relationships and their own feelings and desires helps a child learn to see them in the context of the child as a whole person.
I hope this is helpful!
Thank you so much for this information! I have to admit, I’m pretty terrified to talk to my 6 year old daughter about sexuality and puberty. We have a great relationship and can easily talk about just about anything but I never know how to bring these topics up or what to say. I breathed a little sigh of relief when I read your point about starting early. I realized that we have already had a similar conversation about my body and her body being different and why. This reassured me that I haven’t completely avoided the topic (just partially, lol). Oh and I LOVE the idea of making a small kit to take to school in anticipation of the first period. I will never forget the day in 8th grade when I went in the bathroom and was horrified when I looked at my underwear. I proceeded to wad up a bunch of toilet paper and then, mortified, went and told the school secretary who called my mom to come get me. Worst day ever. Pretty sure my mom gave me a copy of “Are you there God? It’s Me, Margaret” to read that evening. *sigh*
I’m determined to be way more open and relaxed about all of this with my daughter and I thank you so much for helping me!!
Hi Ruthann, thanks for the comment. I think you are right on target for a 6 year old! Those little, in the moment casual discussions pave the way for the more intense conversations later. The key is helping your child feel safe and comfortable coming to you for her information, and it sounds like that’s just what you’re already doing.
Your first period story is one I have heard so often! I swore that when my girls started, they would have heard about it from me first and be at least a little bit prepared. You’re doing good work, momma!
I find the whole puberty thing starting early very scary. Children are just coming into knowing who they are and asserting themselves and then they have to deal with hormones. The advice you give Jennifer is great and I am sure will help mums and dads.
It’s so true, Naomi, that for many parents seeing early signs of puberty at the age of 7 can be frightening. It’s just not what you expect. I’ve found that if you help them take care of their needs and provide a listening ear, you can help your child manage this transition gracefully. Parents have to remember that even as their child begins to change, they are still a child and have the same needs and interests. Provide them with guidance and allow them to grow at their own pace and things will go more smoothly.